Alison Chauvette
As a scared, insecure teenager it was easy to say I was injured and unable to do gymnastics, but now 11 years later as a strong, brave woman, I am ready to tell the truth. It was Larry. Larry Nassar, you stole my sparkle.
date of testimony: January 23th 2018
age at first abuse: 14
location of testimony: Lansing, Michigan
My name is Alison Chauvette and this is my story.
I’ll never forget my mom coming home from parent/teacher conferences my freshman year of high school. My teachers all said I was doing great in class but a few were worried about me. They told her I lost the sparkle in my eyes.
As a scared, insecure teenager it was easy to say I was injured and unable to do gymnastics, but now 11 years later as a strong, brave woman, I am ready to tell the truth. It was Larry. Larry Nassar, you stole my sparkle.
At first I was thrilled. I thought I was lucky to have Larry Nassar, the best doctor in the world, a hero in the gymnastics world as my doctor. But why didn’t I feel this way after my first manipulation? I was scared. It wasn’t okay. But it had to be okay. He was Doctor Larry Nassar. Looking around the room, images of the Olympians he treated covered the walls. But what was wrong with me? Why did I feel like this? I must be crazy. And the more intimate; I’ve never even put my fingers there, will any guy ever believe I’m a virgin? Am I still a virgin? Did he stretch everything out? These are just some of the emotions I felt and thoughts that rushed through my head as a 14 year old, and they continued for many, many years.
Before my first appointment I had talked to other gymnasts who had been treated by Nassar. They told me what his treatments included, but they, too, were young, innocent, and naive. We all thought it was okay. We all trusted him. And we’ve all spoken now. For whatever reason, I still didn’t feel okay.
Through high school and college I was insecure and plagued with anxiety. I didn’t go to parties, have boyfriends. I went on my first date my senior year in college. I refused to get close to him for the first six months of our relationship. I was terrified of him discovering that I was crazy.
It took a long time but I finally told my deepest secret. I soon discovered he was a real man. The way he cared for me and ensured I was comfortable and taken care of is how every man should treat a woman. He helped me learn how to trust again.
Although I’m unsure if I will fully ever trust, I am now 25 years old. I have never had a pap smear. I can’t imagine having one. The thought of it is sickening. I take my meds now which help ease my anxiety and allow me to function. I majored in biomedical sciences, worked hard, and achieved the scores needed but in the end I decided I couldn’t follow my childhood dream of being a doctor. Spending that much time in the medical field, a place that had caused me so much harm, would be unbearable.
Even attending my yearly physical causes stress. I only set appointments when the office refuses to fill my medications. This, I fear, is trust I will never get back.
Nassar, a man who I once called doctor, referred to this technique, the one where he stood between my mother and I, slid his fingers into my vagina, feeling around, applying pressures to different areas, his other hand massaging my back or hamstring, all while asking if it felt better here or here, this he referred to as manipulation, and this word appears on my medical records when I was treated. Manipulate. It is defined by a quick Google search as examine or treat a part of the body by feeling or moving it with the hand. Ironically, it is also defined, handle or control, typically in a skillful manner, a tool or mechanism. The manipulations Nassar performed are of the second definition I provided. He was in no way treating my body. He was, however, using his position manipulating me as a person, changing the person I was, preying on me, a young girl, to fulfill his sick fantasies.
Larry, I don’t know what to say to you. I was raised to see the good in everybody and never to hate, but this is a very difficult thing to do.
Maybe you were sick, but in that case you should have sought help. You obviously needed help. You knew what you were doing was wrong. You, along with others, allowed yourself to become a monster. You were in an environment that was detrimental and should have been removed from it long ago. Imagine if you had sought help or been removed from your position and your sickness disclosed when the abuse was first reported, you would not be sitting here today listening to all the horrid details, victim after victim after victim, but this is the path you chose to take and you now get to pay for what you have done.
We, young girls, were fooled, but the world should not have been. USAG, Michigan State University, and society all failed to keep us safe.
I did not write this statement telling my secret so that people could feel bad for me. I did this so that the world knows, so that every other girl or boy whose sparkle has been stolen feels empowered. So that they know speaking out is not a bad thing. It is not something we should be afraid of. We all deserve to sparkle.
I can’t change what happened to myself nor anyone else, but if my story encourages just one individual to speak out, I will truly be able to say I made the best of a horrible situation and did all I could do.
Thank you so much for this opportunity.
THE COURT: Ma’am, you have done just that.
You have said it just right. Your words were perfect. Your words will keep others safe and allow others to voice what’s happened to them as so many have come forward, and you’ve seen that that has ignited — your words ignite other’s words, other people’s strengths, and I have to say, the sparkle is back.
MS. CHAUVETTE: Thank you.
THE COURT: You are hopefully going to trust people in the future enough at least — I know it’s tough, but you’ve got to seek medical care when you need to. Those pap smears and all of that is really important. I don’t want to read about you as some casualty that didn’t have to be.
This was not your fault. There are good people and good doctors in the world. What is your chosen profession now?
MS. CHAUVETTE: Undecided.
THE COURT: Well, maybe you’ll still consider medicine so you can help people like you.
We need more good doctors, and I think most of them are good. Every field has a bad person now and then. We’re eliminating one. Be one of the good ones.
MS. CHAUVETTE: Thank you.
THE COURT: Thank you so much.
