Amanda Cormier
I was taken to him for an injury I sustained at my birthday party and continued to see him for two years of what I believe was continued injury. He assaulted and molested me many times, all of which with my mother present in the room.
date of testimony: January 16th 2018
location of testimony: Lansing, Michigan
age of first assault: 15
age at hearing: 29
Thank you for having us today. The first time Larry sexually assaulted me was shortly after my 15th birthday. I was referred to him by his wife. She was — she was my pediatrician at the time. From an injury sustained at my birthday party.
I was taken to him for an injury I sustained at my birthday party and continued to see him for two years of what I believe was continued injury. He assaulted and molested me many times, all of which with my mother present in the room.
When I say assaulted, I want to be clear, I mean that he digitally penetrated my vagina and also molested my breasts on multiple occasions all the while blocking my mother from view and spouting something medical that we wouldn’t question. The first time I remember thinking it was a mistake, why would he ever need to do that. At 15 I never had any idea. The recurring times I was just confused and assumed it was necessary since he did it with my mother in the room, and I just never fully understood. It wasn’t until last year when coming home for the holidays and reading the IndyStar article that I fully realized what happened.
Through the entire time I was seeing him I was told by multiple people in his office and my pediatrician’s office that he was the best and he would be my best shot of not being in pain anymore so I assumed from there that anything that happened was medically necessary.
Prior to this time I was a tenaciously confident, adventurous, and free-spirited girl who thrived in leadership roles on my soccer, cross country team, and in choirs and musicals. I was endlessly spending time in my room writing songs. I was overly loving, overly trusting, naive, seeing the best in every living thing type of person. I was confident in my abilities and opinions and had big plans for my future.
Unlike most of the women in this room who were and are accomplished gymnasts, when I was a teenager I was an elite vocalist and I would spend most of my time in different choirs, ensembles, and musicals, solo competitions, and eventually being recruited to sing for Michigan State. One of the biggest things I believe to change during this time is I began to become afraid of my own ability to write and to perform. I believe that through the confusion and self disgust I felt for repeatedly — from what repeatedly happened to me I slowly lost the certainty I had in my ability and my passion for being on stage and for writing music. I could no longer handle the vulnerability it took to perform on a regular basis.
By the time I turned 19 the only performing I did was bar singing in which I could use alcohol as a sedative for my nerves, and I haven’t been able to finish writing a song since I was 18.
In addition to taking some of my love of music it is because of Larry and his misuse of trust that I stopped playing soccer. Soccer was always my favorite sport and the sport I was most talented in.
When I began seeing Larry in 2003 he sent me to get a bone scan in which he told me it came back showing a stress fracture in my lower spine. I was to wear a back brace for much of that year. He used my stress fracture as the reason to tell me I needed to continue seeing him, stop playing soccer, and that my back was too fragile, and with the right slide tackle I would end up paralyzed. I put full trust in him, as you generally would a doctor who was told was the best, and stopped playing soccer.
When getting my medical results for this legal process I found the statement no fracture is seen in multiple place from other doctors in my medical file. It is incredibly angering to realize the sport that I love beyond words was taken from me for a reason that I now believe was completely false and only used to keep me as a patient for his personal gain.
In addition to not playing soccer throughout the last 14 years due to false information, I also lived my life more cautiously believing that my body was more fragile than it was.
Another one of the things that I feel Larry has taken from me is my sense of self confidence and assurance in my own ability, judgment, and physical strength. I worked hard to accomplish many things throughout my life but I’ve since struggled to be proud or share what I accomplished with others. Not only does this hurt me on a personal level but has been an issue looking for employment. I often cower to the ideas of male co-workers, especially supervisors, or avoid being put in a position where I would have to work in close proximity with men, sometimes even leaving positions when I feel like it is too much.
Instead of taking opportunities to work late, when I often know it would just be me and male co-workers in the building, I leave immediately, often to the effect of being behind in my work so that I am never alone. This has gotten exponentially worse over the last year after reliving everything through an adult’s eyes.
For the last 14 years I have struggled with trust and intimacy with others. Generally it takes me a long time to fully trust anyone and possibly years before I really share anything truly emotional and vulnerable about myself, which I used to do regularly and took a lot of pride as an artist to do so.
Physical touch has since been a huge problem for me. I get anxiety before large family events and holidays knowing that I will most likely be touched and hugged by those I love. Something that should be joyful and relaxing is often anything but. When touched unexpectedly even by those closest to me like my husband, my initial reaction is defensive and it takes a while for my nervous system to calm down.
In addition to the anxiety being brought on by touch, I often feel a lot of guilt and self loathing for being so guarded and unloving to those closest to me. In the last year since the news broke I had to come to terms with a lot of what exactly happened to me 14 years ago, and I lost a lot of trust in those around me. Aside from close friends, I’ve had a year of avoiding conversation, touch, sharing what is going on in my life. I often find myself replaying horrible flashbacks in my head trying to make sense of it all. It has caused a lot of anxiety, depression, recurrent nightmares, and a lack on my personal relationships.
One of the major issues that has occurred recently is that I have — I have always had anxiety when being around male doctors but it has gotten exponentially worse, and as someone who has gone through infertility testing and currently pregnant, it becomes exhausting to have to constantly advocate to have a female doctor and explain why it’s necessary when somebody doesn’t take you seriously. If I’m unable to see a female physician, I generally have intense anxiety leading up to and during the exam. For example, a couple months ago I had gone in for an HSG test and was only able to get a male doctor. They allowed me to have two young techs with me at the time, but I had so much anxiety having a gynecological procedure done by a male, between that and the pain, I passed out on the table almost immediately after it started. My heart rate and blood pressure were so low the office had to call my husband to come get me. It is ridiculously embarrassing to have to take extreme precaution for my medical care. I generally thrive in high stress situations and intentionally work in such, but when it comes to my own medical care, the simplest issue is paralyzing.
It has also made the process of making a birth plan with my hospital unnecessarily very complicated and I fear what the added anxiety from this case and what I live with day-to-day will do to my daughter.
I have also lost a lot of the love I had for coming back to my hometown and the passion I always held for being a Spartan. Coming back to East Lansing has always been a fun and exciting time for me. I see friends and everything. And even though we live out of state, it was important for my husband and I to come back to campus and be married there, but it has now turned into reliving what happened to me years before the entire time. I no longer look forward to spending my weekends watching sports with friends, which has always been a large pastime of mine and has been a hobby since I was young Overall this trauma has caused me a great deal of depression, anxiety, recurrent nightmares, intimacy issues, loss of enjoyment in loved activities, issues at work, feelings of guilt, shame, low self esteem and self worth, and occasional suicidal thoughts. It has caused feelings of guilt and depression in my family members, especially my mother who knows this has to do with the pain that she was in the room at the time, and added unnecessary strain on my closest relationships. These things that happened to me in his office long ago were not short-lived, uncomfortable moments. They were lifelong traumas that has changed the way I walk in the world.
And if it’s okay with you, I’d like to say something to Larry.
To Larry: In reference to something you said during your plea hearing, which I know other girls have referred to today, although I understand that you have the right to give a statement in defense of yourself, please know that I do not buy for one second what you said. To me, it sounded like the same manipulative narrative that puts you in sympathetic light that has allowed you to remain in a powerful position for far too long. I don’t believe you have changed or truly grasp the pain you’ve caused any of us.
Also, I as a Catholic, like you, believe in forgiveness, but you will be getting none from me at this time. A year of saying the rosary does not erase all the evil you have done in my eyes and I hope in the state’s as well. This is between you and God.
While you remain on this earth I hope that you are continually reminded of the pain you caused all of us as we are constantly reminded in our daily interactions of our lives. We did not get to choose this trauma, but you did.
My hope is that the women here like myself do continue to grow and heal and become stronger than ever before, but that will be because of our actions and our strength, not yours. I hope to take that strength to continue to work with vulnerable populations and have something come out of my pain so, Your Honor, I ask that you impose the full 125 year sentence. I do not believe he should get to terrorize the hundred plus girls and get to walk away with anything less than a year for each of us. He should have to truly come to terms with the amount of pain he caused the vulnerable children and women that trusted him.
THE COURT: It seems to me after this you can finish writing. You found your voice. It’s a strong, effective, great voice, and you have a child coming. Maybe what you need to do is start and finish a lullaby and go from there, because you are now part of voices, the survivors, no longer a victim for not just the people here but also those unborn, and your child is about to hopefully come into a new world where the changes that you and other survivors want are demanding, are requesting, and I think your voices are being heard by the legislators.
I’m really proud of what you’ve done today.
I can’t make sense and I know you have — in your statement you said, I think all of the victims, now survivors, have tried to make sense of what’s happened, but it’s really an unrightable wrong, but you can make change and you are making changes and I look forward to hearing the end of your song. Get writing. I think it will be good therapy for you and your child and the rest of us to hear you sing and to know strongly in that voice that you are a tower of strength and all survivors can be. Thank you.
MS. CORMIER: Thank you.
