date of testimony: January 16th 2018
location of testimony: Lansing, Michigan
Over the past 16 months I have felt guilt, shame, anger, and embarrassment for what Larry did to me. I am relieved that the truth finally came out, but I am angry with myself for not recognizing the abuse sooner, and I struggle with that daily. However, I truly believe that even if I would have recognized the abuse and come forward several years ago, we would still be in this very same place today.
Even as a 31 year old it was extremely uncomfortable to describe to my family and my parents the graphic details of what you did to me. Each time I had to describe it, whether to the police, my attorneys, my therapist, or in writing, it doesn’t get any easier. Having to relive my experiences over and over almost 20 years later brings back so many memories and emotions. I even avoid talking to — talking about it with those close to me because I get closed off and irritable.
The fact that I was sexually abused by you is something that I’m still wrapping my head around.
One of the hardest parts is seeing my parents carry any sense of responsibility for what happened because it is in no way their fault. It’s your fault.
We all trusted Larry and are angry for the way you deceived us. He’s made it difficult to trust anyone. The flashbacks of the hours spent alone in that exam room with him have at times kept me up at night. My memories are vivid and it’s hard to get images out of my head. I remember how much it hurt but didn’t want to speak up because I was afraid of what you would think of me. I had to be strong.
When I told my mom that it hurt, she thought I was referring to the pain in my back, not the pain in my vagina from the excruciating hours of assault that just took place.
For the first time in my life I sought therapy because I’ve realized this is something that I am not able to deal with on my own. My therapist has helped me find ways to cope with my anxiety and emotions, but, more importantly, she’s helped me to stop blaming myself.
Larry, you are the one that should feel guilt and shame every day and have to live with that for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, we as victims and survivors have to live with the damage you have caused for the rest of our lives, too.
Your Honor, I’m asking for the full sentence set by the Attorney General’s office because I am a hundred percent confident that if he had not been caught, he would continue to do this for the rest of his life. Thank you.
THE COURT: Thank you very much for being here. You shouldn’t be angry with yourself. Victims don’t often recognize harm, sexual abuse, and you went to him for pain — for healing, and you didn’t know. No one faults you or any other victim for that. You were a child. And even when it happens to adults, often they block it out, don’t recognize it, don’t see it for what it is for a long time because only human, but you are a super human person for being here, all of the victims are for being here in public and saying what you did, so I applaud you, and I hope that although you’ve lost trust of so many people, that you trust the court to do the right thing. I will. I will make up my mind in a few days at sentencing when it comes to that stage, and I want everyone to know I’m going to honor the plea deal because I think everybody needs closure, not because I necessarily am happy with it, but the combined sentences I think will put your mind at ease, and hopefully you can trust the system, and I trust that you’re going to have a very happy, fulfilled life.
Thank you again for being here.
MS. BAUMAN: Thank you.