Victim 163

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date of testimony: January 22th 2018
location of testimony: Lansing, Michigan
age at start of abuse: 13

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I believe in good before I believe in bad. I believe that the world is a kind place.

I first saw Larry Nassar when I was in seventh or eighth grade for a stress fracture I had in my back. I had trained at a gym an hour away from Lansing and someone suggested I go see Larry for my back. We called Larry’s office and was informed it was tough to get into his schedule, but somehow he managed to make time for me. I felt honored that this random man would fit me into his schedule. I mean, he treated Olympians. Who would not want to be seen by a doctor who has treated Olympians? We thought if he treats them, he must be pretty damn good.

Larry’s office was filled with posters signed by Olympians, national team members, all of the above, you name it, so I saw him for the stress fracture in my back, and this is when the abuse started.

At that time I did not know it was abuse. I always knew it was odd. Some of my other teammates started to see him for their injuries and soon enough we all realized that he was doing the same treatment to all of us.

We called it the weird thing. We were young, naive, and innocent, and didn’t know that this was wrong. We were unfamiliar with that innocent part of our bodies.

He had explained to us how it worked and how he had to relieve the pressure in those muscles down there. We had no right to think that what he was doing was wrong. I mean, he was a doctor, and I’ve always had an immense amount of respect for doctors.

Throughout the next four years I continued to see Larry for shoulder injuries, hamstring injuries, shin injuries, and more back issues. Larry was such a mastermind that he would do the bear minimum to make us feel better and make sure that we always came back.

After the 2012 Olympics I remember going to see him and he gave me an extra practice leotard that was left over from the Olympics. As a young girl whose dream was to go to the Olympics, why would I think there was anything wrong with what he was doing? He had us so fooled. He had every teammate of mine fooled. He had my parents fooled. He had other doctors fooled. He had the people closest to me fooled, everyone around me.

I remember going to see Larry the day of my homecoming football game and he gave me some kind of sparkle glitter kit so I could use it that night at the game as if this would make it better. This was a form of his grooming. He gave us stuff to manipulate our minds.

My teammates and I would go to his office after hours and he would sneak us in the back door to get treatment. We would even go to his home and get treatment in his basement. We trusted this man with our lives. We praised him. I mean, who has ever heard of a doctor willing to go to such extreme measures for a patient? It just does not happen. He manipulated us to the point that I couldn’t even admit that this had happened to me until about a year ago. It still does not feel real.

I am currently a collegiate gymnast and up until about a year ago I would tell people that Larry was the reason I made it to the level I’m at now. I gave him all the credit, none to myself. This is one of the hardest parts for me. To be a member of this team was my dream growing up. I did everything I could to help myself get where I am now.

I saw Larry for treatment because I trusted him to help heal my injuries. How was I so blind?

Here I was thinking that this man did so much for me when in reality he was slowly tearing me apart for his own sick and twisted pleasures. It is so disturbing to me that this man was involved with such joyful parts of my life.

This past few months have been filled with some of the hardest days of my life. Others allowed him the access to hurt us. I was so — I was hurt so bad I didn’t even know how bad I was hurt because I was so numb. I couldn’t even tell my own parents about what I was feeling. It is one thing to feel myself hurting but it’s a whole different story when you know your parents, siblings, family, best friends, teammates, and all those around you are heartbroken as well.

Thanks to the courage of all these other strong, beautiful women I was finally able to tell them last Tuesday. I felt guilty, embarrassed, ashamed, scared, and to be honest, I still do feel this way. It’s going to take time to heal.

I am disgusted by USA Gymnastics. I am disgusted by Twistars and John Geddert, and I am disgusted by Michigan State University. Where were the people who were supposed to protect us? Instead of protecting us, they were enabling him. The fact that he was able to practice medicine at MSU while girls were filing reports to USAG, are you serious?

You let us all down.

Your Honor, may I address the defendant? 

Larry, you really messed with the wrong crowd, and that goes for everyone that was involved. Congratulations. You created an army against yourself. Funny how that works. All the bullshit that you have put us through has only made us stronger. We are going to use that strength to make sure that nobody ever feels this way again and to make sure that justice is served.

Larry, I do not feel sorry for you. You knew exactly what you were doing this whole time. You used innocent children for your own sexual pleasures. You need to grow up.

And to any man that thinks it is okay to abuse a woman or a child like that, you need to grow up too. Us women, we are strong. We are survivors. We are human. Larry, you’re not a human. I have never heard of a more pathetic form of being in my entire life. I am sure that goes for all of those around me as well.

So back to my point, but I’m just going to say it like it is and I’m not sorry about it, but you people are screwed. You’re going to get what you deserve in prison. That’s called karma. You get what you deserve, and that’s the wonderful thing about the world, you get what you give.

Hate is a strong word and I have really only hated one person before today, but, Larry, today you get added to that list. To all the survivors, thank you for your courage. Thank you to the women who have been fighting him for so long and never giving up. Thank you. I know that everyone has mixed emotions and some days are better than others, but please never question the worth of your own life because of this man. Your story will inspire someone some day. It could even save a person’s life.

We are survivors and we all need each other. We have so much more than him. There is so much more light left in the world for all of us. We are not defined by this trauma and we must not hold onto it forever. By holding onto it, we are giving Larry power, and that is the last thing he deserves.

We must not question why this happened to us. Instead, we must go with it and use it to make us stronger, because what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger and prepares you for bigger and better.

For me personally, I know that this experience is going to make me the best healer and possibly doctor that I can be one day. I’m going to transform this experience to build and make me better. I’m going to use it to my advantage to create a positive impact on this world. Anything — unlike anything that Larry ever did. Your Honor, I believe that you’re going to take care of Larry and that we never need to worry about this man again, but I do ask that you propose a plan to help all of us survivors connect and support each other. Maybe something so simple as an e-mail chain or local sport groups. We’re going to need each other in these times. Together this army of sister survivors will be able to create a new culture for this sport. Thank you.

THE COURT: Thank you very much. That was a very brave statement. It was strong and courageous and it was very relevant, and you aren’t just strong, you are a super human. You have insight already into what’s happened and into the future, and you’re absolutely right, the strong army of sister survivor warriors I think already have connected, but it will really be up to you to continue that connection and to show the world that you are a force to be reckoned with if anybody harms another child.

Your words are very, very powerful. It’s shown me and the world that you’ve already transformed into a stronger self than you ever were. Leave all the junk here. Move out of this courtroom and into your old life will that tower and pillar of strength that we just heard. Thank you so much.

VICTIM 163: Thank you.