Because of you I now find it hard to trust not only myself but everyone around me. I am constantly questioning people's intentions about everything. You were one of the most well trusted people in my life. I thought you generally cared about my well-being and me.
date of testimony: January 17th 2018
location of testimony: Lansing, Michigan
My name is Kayla Spicher. In this statement I will not be talking about the details of the assault for that is already known to all.
When everything first came out about Larry I didn’t believe it, or should I say, I didn’t want to. When I finally realized what happened I was scared. For 12 years of my life, hundreds and hundreds of visits I was sexually assaulted and was unaware, not because I was naive but because I was a child, a child who trusted you. Who was I to question you? I was ashamed and humiliated about my life.
I was not ready to tell my family, to tell them their only daughter and their only sister had been sexually assaulted for more years than she had been alive. If I told them that, I would have to see the fear on their faces and the pain in their eyes and mine would multiply by 10, so instead I tried to pretend the whole thing wasn’t real. I tried to push it out of my mind, but it was too heavy.
Because of you I now find it hard to trust not only myself but everyone around me. I am constantly questioning people’s intentions about everything. You were one of the most well trusted people in my life. I thought you generally cared about my well-being and me.
If you were able to do this to me, what would stop the next person? I would have never thought trust and loyalty would have been a bad quality to have until now. Because of you, I am now scared of the world we live in, just knowing that there are people like you out there. I was so young and you took advantage of that.
To say you did nothing for me would be a lie. You helped me through some of the toughest times of my life physically and mentally, but now you have caused more pain than I have ever endured.
Because of what you did, you knocked down both of our towers. Your damage was concrete, stripped of titles and degrees. My damage was internal, unseen, and I carry it with me. You took away my worth, my privacy, my innocence, my energy, my time, my safety, my confidence, my childhood, and my own voice until today.
The damage is done and no one can undo it.
Now I have a choice. I can let this destroy me. I can remain angry and hurt, or I can face it head on. I can accept the pain and move on.
You have taken enough of my time, too many of my tears, and taken over too many of my conversations. It ends today.
Today is the last day you’ll be talked about for me. All of us will persevere, move past what you have taken from us, and be better. And for you, you will spend the rest of your life in there never to be talked about again by us, and you will just become a sad nobody
Choosing to come out publicly was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever faced. I didn’t want people to look at me differently. I didn’t want people to see me as broken. But I am not broken. I am strong, stronger than I’ve ever been.
I chose to do this because no one should ever feel ashamed to come forward for help, advice, or just to have their voice heard, because we are not victims, we are survivors. Thank you.
THE COURT: Thank you very much. That was outstanding, and because of what you’ve said, you’ve taken your power back. He had it temporarily because of your trust, but your words here today, they are immeasurably valuable for all survivors and especially your healing, and I have every confidence you will be just fine. You have the support of your family. I see how distraught your mother is.
MS. SPICHER: Um-hum.
THE COURT: But I think that hearing your words will also help her and your family, so thank you for being here.
MS. SPICHER: Thank you.
THE COURT: You are having a rippling effect on the world. That means that your power not only is backing you, the light is backing you, butthe power is being felt by other victims, and that is immeasurably valuable. Thank you.
MS. SPICHER: Of course.
THE COURT: And thank you, mom, for being here.