Jennifer Hayes
To this day 17 years later I still have nightmares and difficulty sleeping from the sexual abuse that you inflicted on me. These nightmares stay with me for hours and days later. They cause heightened anxiety, especially when I'm around older males and ones in power or authority.
date of testimony: January 17th 2018
location of testimony: Lansing, Michigan
I am Jennifer Hayes but you knew me as Jennifer Grimm. I was a former competitive figure skater and head coach of the MSU synchronized skating team while a student.
Larry, you sexually assaulted me multiple times while I was a student at Michigan State. You took complete control. You were confident. You had created a secure world where you brainwashed everyone around you to enable and protect your action of self pleasure.
I was a young woman seeking medical advice, treatment, and pain relief, but instead I was molested, shamed, and removed of my dignity. And I never got any relief for the pain in my back, hips, or ankles, the entire reason I came to you in the first place.
The first time you assaulted me you said, I’m going to realign your back and some find what I’m going to do a little uncomfortable. What was that supposed to mean? How was I supposed to respond to that? You then never explained the procedure, never let me know what exactly you were about to do.
Instead, you told me to lie down on my stomach and open my legs. You then parted my loose shorts that you always made me put on and, without warning, forcefully pushed your dry fingers into my vagina touching areas that had never been touched before. I hadn’t at that point even seen a gynecologist yet.
You remained inside me for about 15 minutes at each session. I was in such shock that I flinched and I grabbed the exam table with both hands as hard as I could, closed my eyes tight, and held my breath, frozen in fear while each muscle in my body remained tense just waiting for you to be done, for it to all be over. I was absolutely terrified. I had no idea what was happening. I had no reason to believe you were going to do anything to me internally.
You told me you were going to realign my back by doing this. However, you were touching and manipulating intimate areas that were not even close to my spine. I had seen countless doctors and therapists for back, hip, and ankle pain since birth and I never had a doctor stick their bare hands into my vagina and then call that treatment.
You have claimed this procedure was a medical treatment. Why did you then exclude it from all my chart notes? Why did you never give any step by step detail of what exactly you were doing and for what purpose? Why was your groin always up against me while your fingers were inside me? And when you stuck your fingers inside me, why did you never once wear gloves, which is against OSHA standards and therefore subjected me, you, other patients, and the community to infectious diseases?
Why weren’t you concerned of my well-being, never asking me if you were making me uncomfortable or if you were causing me additional pain? Why did you feel the need to violate me and use me as your sexual specimen for your own sick sexual pleasure and satisfaction?
You said on December 7 in federal court that you really did try to help people. But how did you help me? You also admitted in federal court that you are attracted to young girls and women but compared this addiction to alcoholism and drug abuse. Like it’s no big deal and more socially accepted?
You said that others may wonder how you got down this path. This is not some trail you stumble upon one day. You intentionally and strategically placed yourself in positions of trust and power around girls and you intentionally chose each and every time to assault us. It was your decision, not ours, and most definitely it was not mine.
When you said that you really did try to be a good person and really did try to help people, I wonder how can you, with complete honesty, say that you’re a good person who tried to help people? You made us all believe that you had our best interests in mind and that you wanted to help us, but that’s not the truth. The truth is it was all a lie and a set up. You used your reputation, your medical license, and your authority to brainwash children, young women, parents, colleagues, the athletic community, and me.
In November in this very courtroom you stated that this was like a match that turned into a forest fire out of control. I don’t understand what you mean by that really. Are you insinuating that your current situation and all of this was our fault or that it was the media’s fault? Because you didn’t give us a choice to be robbed of our innocence and sexually assaulted and molested. You are the one person who caused the forest fire, and it was your match.
You also stated that you have no animosity toward anyone, you just want healing and we need to move forward. You can’t tell us what we need to do. You don’t have that power anymore. We will all be healing from the damage you have caused for the rest of our lives.
I think what you’re really thinking when you said that is that you’re tired of dealing with your pain and you’re tired of being in the negative media spotlight. You just want this all to be over. Hm. Because you think this is all about you. And I’m confused why you would have any animosity towards anyone or why you believe we would even be concerned that you do.
As a survivor of your actions I am not concerned with what you want or what you think of us. You have pled guilty to all charges against you. However, I don’t really believe you understand the magnitude of what you’ve done in your 50 years of life — 54 years of life, excuse me. The damage you chose to inflict on me and the countless other girls and their families is despicable and, frankly, disgusting.
I believe you really are an evil man. It’s because of your actions that as an adult you have diminished my self esteem, increased feelings of shame, humiliation, embarrassment, powerlessness, guilt, guilt that I didn’t prevent all the other girls who followed me from being abused by you, and anger. I am still so angry at you. You had no right to lie to me and no right to use my body.
By earning a medical degree it did not give you the right to inflict your personal sexual pleasure and evil on me and hundreds, if not thousands, of other innocent girls and young women, because you, yourself, said you performed this medical treatment thousands of times.
To this day 17 years later I still have nightmares and difficulty sleeping from the sexual abuse that you inflicted on me. These nightmares stay with me for hours and days later. They cause heightened anxiety, especially when I’m around older males and ones in power or authority.
Intimate relationships are difficult. I have feelings of guilt that I’m a disappointment because intimacy has created fear and I am forced to be reminded of your sexual assaults and how I hated every minute of it. I am then confronted with anger.
You have caused me to no longer feel safe and robbed me of my own body and positive experiences that you had no right to steal from me. You have taken away the trust I once had in myself. I now have continuous feelings of suspicion and caution towards other males that they may have ulterior sexual motives.
I never know when I’m going to be struck with an unexpected panic or anxiety attack. I could be at the grocery store, cooking dinner, at my parents’ house, at a doctor’s appointment, anywhere and at any time. These can be absolutely paralyzing.
You’re responsible for causing me so much destruction and overwhelming suffering in my life since meeting you. I have invisible wounds that have forever changed my life. My overall loss of strength, self worth, trust, and stress on myself has not only affected my life but my children’s lives, my immediate family, and my marriage with my husband.
For years I had difficulty standing up for myself, but not anymore. I am changing that today. You stole my confidence and my self worth away from me, but I am regaining it. You will not break my core, and you no longer have power over me.
As a mother of one, soon to be two daughters, I have now had to redefine what it means to keep them safe. I have been forced to continually reevaluate each adult around them, like teachers, other parents, family members, everyone. This is more difficult than you would ever imagine. I will raise my daughters with the knowledge and education about sexual predators like you.
I am pleased that you will be in prison for the rest of your life, which is where you needed to be decades ago. You will never again hurt me or another girl ever. You have taken away a part of myself and my life that I will never get back, and I will never, ever be again the same, but I will find peace. The other survivors, my family and friends are helping me with that. I cannot forgive you today. You are in God’s hands now.
Thank you, Your Honor.
THE COURT: Thank you. That was very powerful and very clear that you have found your voice, that you’ve taken back control and your power.
You are among the many who have asked why.
That question never will be answered. I don’t know that there is a right answer. But you and all of the survivors have put out his flame, the match he struck and was out of control. It’s in control now thanks to all of you. That’s how powerful you all are now.
Ma’am, there is nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about. You were a child. You need to let that go, because the most powerful thing you can do is what you said you’re going to do and I believe is to educate your children and the community so we can put out everybody’s flame in this regard.
Thank you so much for being here and for your very powerful and well thought out words. I appreciate that.
MS. HAYES: Thank you very much.
THE COURT: Good luck.
