Whitney Mergens
When it was over, my 11 year old innocent mind was oblivious to what had just happened. I knew it hurt, but he was the Olympic doctor so I thought it must have helped.
date of testimony: January 22th 2018
location of testimony: Lansing, Michigan
age of first abuse: 11
I would like to begin by thanking you, judge, for allowing me to give this statement after this long process so far. It really means a lot and has given me a lot of comfort.
I was here Friday. After listening to thevarmy of women speak before me, they have given me the courage to truly say what I need to say.
I have rewritten this statement countless times trying to figure out where to begin. Some things just never have the right words.
This is what I want you to know. I was molested by Larry Nassar on two occasions when I was just 11 years old. It was shortly after my birthday so I just turned 11. I was a full-time competitive gymnast suffering from back pain. I remember Larry coming to our gym in Farmington, MEGA, every now and then to check up on gymnasts who had injuries.
I pray he hasn’t hurt someone in that gym. That is where I first met him briefly. My mom and I felt very lucky we were able to get an appointment at his office because of his exceptional reputation.
My first appointment with Larry went well. He just prescribed me an MRI and that’s what I did. He made sure to tell me at the next appointment to wear loose fitting shorts just in case.
When I returned for the second appointment in my basketball shorts we went over the MRI and found out I had bulging discs in multiple vertebrae and slight scoliosis. These results overwhelmed me as a young girl and I began to cry because I thought my gymnastic career would come to an end.
These appointments were shortly after Mr. Nassar returned from the 2008 Beijing Olympics. As he saw me cry, he told me it was going to be okay and he gave me something to cheer me up. He gave me a postcard from Beijing with all the Olympic gymnasts’ signatures on it along with an Olympic pin. This postcard meant everything to me. I looked up to those women more than anyone.
At that moment I became his next victim.
His famous grooming technique worked with no hesitation. At that same appointment he believed he could relieve some back pain. With my mother in the room he managed to slip his cold, bare hands up my shorts and slide his fingers into the most personal area of my body. As he pushed I was in much discomfort, it felt like it would last forever.
When it was over, my 11 year old innocent mind was oblivious to what had just happened. I knew it hurt, but he was the Olympic doctor so I thought it must have helped.
The third appointment repeated the last and then he referred me to physical therapy and I’ve never seen him since, and I quit gymnastics shortly after that.
About ten years later I’m at my apartment in school and my mom calls. She asked if I heard the news about Larry Nassar and she asked me in a panic if he has done anything to me. I immediately say no.
After hanging up, it took all of three minutes for every possible image and memory to flashback into my mind. I started to panic and shake not knowing what to think of this situation. I was in total denial in my mind but I knew deep down it was the truth and it had happened.
I was simply confused. How is one capable of processing that they have been molested when they’re 11 years old and not have any knowledge of it? After about a week I still hadn’t told my parents. I wanted to protect them. I didn’t want them to worry. I thought I was going to be just fine. I soon realized I was not fine, not even close. I needed to tell them. Those words I had to speak out loud to them were the hardest words to ever come out of my mouth.
After telling them it became more real.
The darkness took over my life day by day, week by week, nightmare by nightmare. The actions of Larry Nassar has caused me to miss practice, skip class, have anxiety, frequent nightmares, seek counseling, and lose trust in medical professionals.
I’m a track and field athlete at Oakland University, therefore, I am surrounded by athletic trainers, coaches, and medical professionals on a daily basis. It is so difficult for me to not live in fear as I step into a doctor’s office to seek treatment or even from my athletic trainer, even though I really — he really wants to help me. I even stopped seeing my chiropractor because I get so uncomfortable with anyone having to do anything with my back. I still suffer with back pain but no longer mention it because I don’t want anyone to come near me in that way ever again.
It’s put a toll on my boyfriend’s and my relationship. Sometimes I don’t want him to touch me and I have no explanation for it. I get this internal anger and I take it out on him, and for that I’m sorry. All I want is for this darkness to go away. I don’t want to look in the mirror and have to convince myself that I’m okay. I want to stand there and see a strong woman other than a damaged one. Standing here today I know the light is near.
Sitting in this courtroom Friday was the hardest day of my life. For the first time in 21 years I saw my father cry. He held me so tight in the doorway behind me and he told me he’s so sorry he didn’t protect me. My mom is living with this same guilt every day. I want to tell them right here it’s not your fault and I never want you to say you’re sorry ever again. None of the parents of these women are at fault. It’s Larry Nassar’s fault. I believe that they are just as much of a victim as myself. I believe they are a part of this army we have created. As you told other survivors, judge, I’m going to leave the darkness in this room today.
I ask you to give Larry Nassar the maximum sentence he can receive. He will sit in prison just as a number, just like I was just a number to him in his sick, malicious, and evil game.
THE COURT: You are in the light now. Defendant will be in the darkness. You are not damaged. You were never damaged. Defendant is the damaged one. You need to look at yourself in the mirror every day and tell yourself you are beautiful, you are worthy, you’re intelligent, you are going places, you are strong. Do you know how much strength — I see people in my courtroom every day, not just this case, thousands of cases — you’re welcome to come watch any time. So many people don’t come forward. So many people are not as strong as you. You’re a tower of strength. You and your sister survivors are only going to get stronger. You need to believe that.
You have a great family. They’re here with you. They believe you. I believe you. I’m going to take your words into consideration at sentencing, and your words, like the words you heard of your sister survivors helped you, your words are helping others, not just the sister survivors but there are countless victims on this case and in many other cases who don’t have the strength to come forward, and you are part of the solution. You’re part of their answer and their prayer. So you’ve done a tremendous job here. You need to be proud. Look in that mirror every day, tell yourself you love yourself, because we all do. Thank you for being here.
MS. MERGENS: Thank you.
