date of testimony: January 18th 2018
location of testimony: Lansing, Michigan
age at first abuse: 11-12
Thank you. Larry Nassar came in my life somewhere around 1992 or ’93. I was a gymnast and he was often helping out at times when a gymnast was injured. He was always around. The first time I met him was due to lower back pain.
Larry was immediately friendly. A wolf in sheep’s clothing. He would spend time talking to my mom as she worked at the front desk.
When I was 11 or 12 Larry molested me for the first time. It was in a back room at Great Lakes Gymnastics Club. I was so young that I had no reference that it was wrong. After all, he was a doctor and he had explained this procedure to me.
He told me that he had spoken with my mother, and we all know that that was a lie.
In hindsight, what he did made me feel so uncomfortable, and he was a doctor and everybody said he was great so I convinced myself it was okay for years and years and years because of that.
I had this concern that I hid and pushed way down because I didn’t want it to be something wrong, and it was the wrongest thing possible.
Larry and his wife, Stephanie, took me under their wing for the next few years. They befriended my parents. They took me to Take Your Daughter to Work day at MSU Sports and Medicine. They got married and my family and I attended the wedding.
I was treated by Larry at gymnastics or at MSU Sports and Medicine. He lived right down the road from me, and when I became involved in high school sports, I realized that he was working there, too. He seemed to be in every facet of my life.
When I bought my first car, he asked me to drive over and show it to him. He advised me on what to do with my life and I took that advice in consideration for college.
I babysat his oldest daughter. All of those things assisted in convincing me that nothing was wrong with those procedures that an MSU, USA gymnastic doctor was doing on me, even the times when he treated me at his house with his so-called treatment.
This has affected my life in countless ways that I’m just beginning to grasp and it might take a lifetime to understand. I was treated for stomach ulcers at a young age that were said to have been brought on by stress. I had suicidal thoughts. Relationships in my life have been deeply strained.
I was a carefree, silly little girl until this happened, and afterwards there was a cloud and the cloud has followed me into every relationship in my life, especially the most important ones.
I will also never forget the day last year — well, in 2016, when I heard the story in the news. That was the day when I realized that what he did to me, he also did to other women. All of the doubts that I had about him and what he did became undisputed, and now we all know the horrible reality of what he was really doing and that cloud that was always there grew really big.
The moment that I realized that everything that I was hiding from was true, I was absolutely crushed. I was crushed and I was feeling stupid for not realizing it for all that time and for allowing this to go on for so long and affect other people without telling somebody.
My first thought was that I could have stopped this a long time ago had I only spoken up, but I’ve come to realize that those thoughts, my coaches at Great Lakes and Twistars and the staff at MSU and MSU Sports and Medicine weren’t going to hear me had I spoken up anyhow.
I am angry with Larry Nassar today. I am angry for every thought that I’ve ever had about what happened. I am so angry for the times that I haven’t been the best mother to my kids because of this and every moment that I’ve spent away from them to deal with what Larry did. I am angry for all the times in my life that I sat there and I Googled this so-called treatment just to help myself sleep at night. It never helped because I never found any information on it. I still can’t sleep at night, and I hope that Larry can’t either.
I have had to live with this wound, whether gaping open or a faded scar, and I will always have to live with it, and so do all the people in my life, especially my parents.
I hope that the time that was taken away from me and each one of these women are also taken away from Larry Nassar. I hope that he never sees another child as long as he lives. The facade that was he was able to put on for all of those years was so deceiving that he should never have the chance to see the light of day. Thank you.
THE COURT: Thank you for being here. His facade, it’s been pealed away by your strong voice and the voice of your sister survivors. I understand, and you are sadly correct, that in the early ’90s if you would have spoken up, much like the other stories I’ve heard, there’s a strong likelihood no one would have heard you. I hear you now. The world hears you now. You need to go forward and have a peaceful sleep.
The man that brought all of this on will be put away forever. He can’t bother you anymore, and you should be proud of the words that you’ve said. You are crushed no longer. He is crushed. You rise. You rise with your sister survivors and strength as an example of a strong woman and mother. If you even think about toppling over, he will win. He wants you all to be quiet. He wants control. You have taken the control away from him. You have control over your life, and you need to give all that energy that you’re putting towards sadness toward your children and, mom, you don’t have any blame either. I see it on your face. You’re not to be blamed. None of the mothers or parents knew. You need to let go of that in order to help your daughter stand tall and your grandchildren and go forward happy. Your happiness should start now. This is amazing. Your daughter just did something incredible. You should be incredibly proud of standing next to her.
MRS. CARR: I am.
THE COURT: And not feel guilty. There’s nothing to feel guilty about. He’s the guilty one. Shove — shed off all your guilt, leave it here in the courtroom shoved at him. Can you do that, mom?
MRS. CARR: (Nods).
THE COURT: Yes?
MRS. CARR: Yes.
THE COURT: All right. Anything you want to say to me?
MRS. CARR: No.
THE COURT: And you’re not obligated to.
MRS. CARR: No.
THE COURT: But I’ve addressed you so I always let you answer. All right. So I’m really proud of both of you. I think together you are stronger, better. You’re healed, ma’am. Do not go downward. Continue to rise up understanding the more powerful you get and all your sister survivors get, he gets weaker. Go out and do great things in the world and hug your kids. Thanks.