Jessica Smith
That day I lost a large piece of myself and my sanity. Not only has the sexual abuse taken away the ability to be myself but it has also caused severe emotional and physical pain.
That day I lost a large piece of myself and my sanity. Not only has the sexual abuse taken away the ability to be myself but it has also caused severe emotional and physical pain.
Today I will say to you all that this man has broken my world alongside my parents. This assault has affected me physically, emotionally, and mentally, while tarnishing relationships I have now and many that I will never be able to create in the future.
I was a carefree, silly little girl until this happened, and afterwards there was a cloud and the cloud has followed me into every relationship in my life, especially the most important ones.
I never accepted that I was abused. I only told two people before September of 2016. The first was my sister, and it was a casual conversation. The other was a friend and a fellow dancer who had been referred to Nassar. I felt a duty to explain what his treatments were like to prepare her.
Today I speak to you because us women, we are stronger than you thought we ever were. We control you. We together will rise while you fall. And we will not stop fighting until you are less than that of what you made us feel for years.
A simple fact is this, if Michigan State University, USA Gymnastics, and the USA Olympic Committee had paid attention to any of the red flags in Larry Nassar’s behavior, I never would have met him. I never would have been treated by him. I never would have been abused by him.
I was — people didn’t believe me, even people I thought were my friends. They called me a liar, a whore, and even accused me of making all of this up just to get attention. Even USAG psychologist Doctor Ali Arnold was campaigning for positive Larry Nassar stories all over social media to try and discount my accusations.
What happened after has haunted me for the rest of my life. It is a moment in time that is seared into my sense memory, one that causes reoccurring flashbacks, nightmares, and disassociative episodes.
I don’t think I can accurately express in words just how emotional this process has been, to face down these words: I am a victim of sexual assault. I am a survivor of sexual assault. I don’t even know if one can survive the events that rob a person of their wholeness, their innocence. All we can do is try.