To hear the survivors of Larry Nassar
I could not fathom that someone I was taught to trust, a doctor, could intentionally harm me. In the gymnastics community Nassar is seen as a highly skilled physician that I felt lucky to be able to go see. He was always recommended to me. He was always respected, and he was fully trusted.
I trusted this man. I trusted that he had every intention to heal me and give me some relief to the excruciating pain I was experiencing. I had no idea that I was being molested.
I have also struggled to believe that doctors have my best interest in mind. This lack of trust has spread beyond doctors to other people, including some friends, family members, teachers, and other authority figures. And to think I even job shadowed you for a day.
My question to you is this, what if you had just lit a single match? What if you had only performed this horrifying procedure on one single girl? Would it matter? Would you get away with it? That’s what I believe you were hoping. That each girl you assaulted would be just one isolated voice, impossible to hear.
Over the last year since the news broke I’ve cut off a lot of my friends with no reason. I have shut down in many ways, and I just have to thank God that I have my son, because without him, I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed. He gives me a purpose to be here.
To this day 17 years later I still have nightmares and difficulty sleeping from the sexual abuse that you inflicted on me. These nightmares stay with me for hours and days later. They cause heightened anxiety, especially when I’m around older males and ones in power or authority.
Because of you I now find it hard to trust not only myself but everyone around me. I am constantly questioning people’s intentions about everything. You were one of the most well trusted people in my life. I thought you generally cared about my well-being and me.
You talked about Catholicism with my mother while sexually violating me. Therefore, I know you’ve been told that everyone is a child of God and every human has inherent dignity, yet you clearly never took that to heart, because you saw me, a literal child of God, as an object you could use to make yourself feel more powerful.
You were Larry, my doctor, my idol, and, most importantly, my friend, or so I thought. I thought you were helping me, and I have now come to learn that you were just manipulating me, my family, my coaches, and my friends so that you were trusted.
